wrigley field is MILF paradise
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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