Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
