He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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