addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
