She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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