Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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