Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
