We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
