maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
