why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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