in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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