It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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