either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
