somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize