I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
