Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
