Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
