omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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