In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
