Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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