Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
