I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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