How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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