What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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