So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
