So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
