He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
