Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
be right there i have to get my cape
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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