hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
