Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
