Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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