If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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