omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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