You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
