Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
