Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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