I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to make out with him forever
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
