Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
