I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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