do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
