You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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