i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love accidental penises.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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