Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
