I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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