Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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