Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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