I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
