I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
