He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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