Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
