Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
