he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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