dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
