She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
