let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
