there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
