Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
