I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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