She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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