Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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