My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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