Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
