Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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