just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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