Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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