I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
