You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
