Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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