it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
