If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
