I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
