i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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