He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
