Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
