May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
