is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
