She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize