this boner is exhausting
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize