I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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