the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
