Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
