first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
